ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
231,601	Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way
231,602	A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room." The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!"
231,603	I have a Step-Ladder... I never knew my real ladder tho. :\
231,604	I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils.....
231,605	Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.
231,606	The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. Not even myself.
231,607	What does an elephant say, looking at a naked man ? You can't breathe from it
231,608	Malaysia has some of the world's best magicians They make entire planes disappear.
231,609	why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway
231,610	Once you go black... ...you're a single mother
231,611	I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other.
231,612	ME: pointing gun Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals
231,613	[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?
231,614	Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle? No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor.
231,615	two lesbians Lesbian 1: "Hey! I finally found your dido!" Lesbian 2: "Great! I knew you had it in you!"
231,616	Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs
231,617	Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.
231,618	Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.
231,619	Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie.
231,620	What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull
231,621	What does a black person get after sex...??? A life sentence.
231,622	If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide
231,623	"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted.
231,624	I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards, use my atomic laser, and open the safe** * 3 cats can opener * catfood can
231,625	TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration.
231,626	Hello. It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you still had all the money you owe me.
231,627	I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through.
231,628	Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney
231,629	Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers.
231,630	Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it.
231,631	What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii.
231,632	What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie.
231,633	God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.
231,634	What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis
231,635	Einstein made a theory about space, And it was about time, too!
231,636	What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit
231,637	What do you call a Kryptonian who loves popcorn? Kern-el
231,638	My wife was gang raped, impregnated and gave birth to a baby boy named Muhammed. Now they want to kill us for depicting the Prophet Muhammad.
231,639	Perfect pitch is... ...when you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo.
231,640	Boy born with no eyelids! The Dr. used the foreskin from the circumcision. Now the boy is cockeyed
231,641	Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first.
231,642	How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number you probably never heard of.
231,643	A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, "Make me one with everything."
231,644	What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!
231,645	Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
231,646	SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE
231,647	Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells.
231,648	What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!
231,649	Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo.
231,650	Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming
231,651	is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own
231,652	What did one bunny say to the other bunny? "There's a sale on at the carrot store!"
231,653	The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen
231,654	TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree
231,655	What did the RAM stick say to the politician? I'm PC2!
231,656	what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation? A period piece!
231,657	Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.

231,601

Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way

231,602

A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room." The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!"

231,603

I have a Step-Ladder... I never knew my real ladder tho. :\

231,604

I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils.....

231,605

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

231,606

The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. *Not even myself.*

231,607

What does an elephant say, looking at a naked man ? You can't breathe from it

231,608

Malaysia has some of the world's best magicians They make entire planes disappear.

231,609

why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway

231,610

Once you go black... ...you're a single mother

231,611

I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other.

231,612

ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*

231,613

[Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning?

231,614

Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle? No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor.

231,615

two lesbians Lesbian 1: "Hey! I finally found your dido!" Lesbian 2: "Great! I knew you had it in you!"

231,616

Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs

231,617

Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.

231,618

Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

231,619

Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie.

231,620

What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull

231,621

What does a black person get after sex...??? A life sentence.

231,622

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide

231,623

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted.

231,624

I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can

231,625

TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration.

231,626

Hello. It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you still had all the money you owe me.

231,627

I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through.

231,628

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney

231,629

Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers.

231,630

Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it.

231,631

What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii.

231,632

What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie.

231,633

God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed.

231,634

What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis

231,635

Einstein made a theory about space, And it was about time, too!

231,636

What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit

231,637

What do you call a Kryptonian who loves popcorn? Kern-el

231,638

My wife was gang raped, impregnated and gave birth to a baby boy named Muhammed. Now they want to kill us for depicting the Prophet Muhammad.

231,639

Perfect pitch is... ...when you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo.

231,640

Boy born with no eyelids! The Dr. used the foreskin from the circumcision. Now the boy is cockeyed

231,641

Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first.

231,642

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number you probably never heard of.

231,643

A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, "Make me one with everything."

231,644

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything!

231,645

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

231,646

SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE

231,647

Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells.

231,648

What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster!

231,649

Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo.

231,650

Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming

231,651

is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own

231,652

What did one bunny say to the other bunny? "There's a sale on at the carrot store!"

231,653

The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

231,654

TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree

231,655

What did the RAM stick say to the politician? I'm PC2!

231,656

what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation? A period piece!

231,657

Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.